Top 10 Reasons I might be an 80 year old woman...and One reason I'm not (yet)

While cleaning out my apt I've had for 10 years I've come across some real gems that make me question the reality of saying, "I have an old lady living inside me"

Witness the Top Ten:

1. Water Goblets from the Crusade

2. Every woman in her 30's has a crystal decanter, right??

(*Sigh* I miss Talbot from TB)


















3. Nice! I'm gonna break this out the next time I serve gherkins.

4. A cookie jar...with expired medication in it.

5. Oh look TWO tiers for all my medications!

6. Why yes I DO have a Hummel and random teapot knicknacks...

 








7. Old Lamp with light up base...let the romance begin!

8. My art collection includes...

9. As a young lady you can never have too much crystal!

  





10. The crux of my list...the tea cabinet...nuff said

And ONE reason why I may not be an old lady...I have pictures of my "boyfriends" hanging on my door - straight up teenager style!

*Writer's note: though I have all this stuff most I can't part with - some of it is really cool...on another note while cleaning I did find an old purse with hard candies in it.

The Inbox from Hell, Part Deux

Good ole' Hotmail is at it again...

                                                               ...you don't have sex, Kate. Duh.
 

I took this literally - things KATE should not say on a 1st Date...

- "Do you watch Battlestar Galactica?"

- "Last night on *insert TV Show name* the craziest thing happened..."

- "Are you a Republican?" 
(But wait I think I should ask that, don't you? It's only fair.)

- "Man that ice cream made me gassy."

- "I'm fine with Wendy's"

- "I have this tea cabinet..."

- "Want to play Super Scrabble? I have it. It's awesome."

What else?

Top Ten Reasons Cloning should be allowed...

Idris Elba
Check out this yummy Brit in everything from The Office to The Wire to the movies (RocknRolla, Obsessed)...he's got it all.

Joel McHale
We already know this dude is funny (The Soup, Community) but he's also looking mighty fine as well...tall, smart, funny and hot!

Eat your heart out Ryan Seacrest!

Robert Downey, Jr.
If anyone has had nine lives it's Robert.
I've loved him in every movie - even Soapdish!
Iron Man, Sherlock Holmes, Wonder Boys but most importantly Harry Lockhart in Kiss Kiss Bang Bang.

Ewan McGregor
Haggis eating, kilt wearers and whisky swiggers everywhere have nothing on this Scot - he even sings (swoon).

Michael Fassbender
The first time I ever saw this actor was in Inglorious Basterds. He's so striking - I'm talking about his acting of course ;)

Doesn't hurt that he was in the movie 300 - I might have to watch that again sometime...

Ryan Reynolds
Canada never looked so good...once again smart, funny and hot trumps my ...I'm sorry I totally forgot what I was going to say...damn.

Sam Worthington

Australian. Nuff Said.

Timothy Olyphant

There is something about this dude.  I don't like him enough to see 'the Crazies' but I will check out his new FX series Justified.

Andy Whitfield

Some cheeky bastards call him the "Poor Man's Sam Worthington" but don't be fooled he is completely hot in his own right and follows no man! He is Spartacus!


 
 
 
 

Alexander Skarsgard
To say that I am obsessed with this man is putting it mildy. Not only do I have DAILY Google Alert set up on him but I check all his sites most every day (well every other day, I'm healing).


I don't usually go for blondes but I'll make an exception...


Let me know who you would clone...

If you build it, they will come

My last post cheekily described what I've been doing while snowed in (it's called comedy), but I want to get serious here, on my 7th day of captivity, and go over what I actually DID accomplish in the last several days.

Another pie chart (I'm tech savvy, Yo!):

 

And Hotmail, bless her heart, has been pretty quiet lately, until today:

Yeah this tidbit would have been helpful SEVEN days ago.

Snow, Smow... I need a hobby

So this is I don't know the 5th day of being confined at home due to the Snow-tastic adventure.

I'd like to say that I got tons of stuff done...sure I went through my closet and plucked two bags of clothes (straight off What Not To Wear I'm sure) and managed to do two loads of laundry, but there's so much I could have accomplished if I set my mind to it.

To wit, a pie chart of activities I've been doing:

Imitation is the Sincerest Form of Flattery (or maybe I’m not original)

This is my first post of 2010 :)

Funniest phrases, words or things I've learned from reading other people's blogs:

- If someone is annoying, ridiculous, batshit crazy, etc. call them an "oxygen thief"

Example: Palin is now a commentator Fox News, too bad this oxygen thief didn't get her own show.

- When someone is up to no good and their actions effect other people in a negative way, please feel free to refer to the behavior in question as genuine "motherfuckery"

Example: Not one, but multiple flings Tiger? Cheating on your wife is some serious motherfuckery on your part.

- This one is self explanatory (seen on The Bloggess): "douche canoe"

Example: Stop being a douche canoe and pass Healthcare. Or Pat Robertson is a real douche canoe...

Sites that keep me VERY entertained:


http://thebloggess.com/

http://www.fmylife.com/

http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/

http://www.wonkette.com/

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/popcandy/index

http://failblog.org/

http://icanhascheezburger.com/

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/

http://www.buzzfeed.com/

New Years Resolutions - Bring It 2010!

This time of the year is for making yourself promises...promises you aren't necessarily going to keep, but that's OK, we love you anyway.

Here are mine for 2010:

Stop getting upset at the DB's of the world...

No Glenn I don't give a crap what you are trying to make everyone so scared of & by the way thanks for upping the price of Gold, well done.

Dick you need to just retire and go away. You had 8 years to frak up the place, so no thanks, no more. This next decade is OURS, not yours.

Sarah P - I hope your next year is spectactular - I just don't need to hear you utter another word, OK?
You betcha.

Keep working out...just try and not have this happen to me.

See a lot more movies, I've been slacking man!


Sigh, try loving the GUTE a little bit less...

HAPPY NEW YEARS!

The Essential Holiday Buying Guide

(and no the GUTE ain't for sale! That we know of...)

This year when you are pulling your hair out looking for the perfect gift for your loved ones...take a gander at the latest offerings:

1) Star Wars Science - Force Trainer

Have you ever wished you could move an object with the power of your mind?  Now you can, as you control the Jedi Training remote with only your thoughts.  Jedi Master Yoda guides you through 15 levels of Force training as you develop your powers of concentration.  Discover if you have the skills to reach the highest rank of Jedi Master.

Features include:
- 15 Levels of training: Advance from Padawan to Jedi Knight
- Wireless Headset
- Training remote

- Features STAR WARS character voices and sound effects

- Fun and informative learning guide

*Does not include: friends, self respect, ability to see people naked, tax help

2) Adult Footie Pajamas

Want to help others relive their youth? Feel the comfort of all around warmth and love by snapping up these lovely adult sized pjs!

*Does not include: trapdoor













3) Personal Sauna

What a way to relax after a long, hard day at work.
Take your clothes off, grab a towel and relax in this sweat inducing death box.  (Think I can fit this in my apt?  Next to the pilates machine, perhaps?)

*Does not include: trapdoor

4) Ipod Speakers...in the shape of really large ear buds

Wow, that's all I gotta say about this one.

*Does not include: Being cool

5) Gladiator Helmet

This has to be the perfect gift for the man on your list. What guy, human even, wouldn't feel invincible wearing this cast iron helmet straight out of the golden days of the Roman empire.

* Does not include: Russell Crowe (he wouldn't really fit anywhere anyway)

6) Lamp/Wolf Plate Combo

Call Sotheby's, Christie's or maybe just your neighbor who's addicted to eBay...this masterpeice is not easy to find. I repeat, this is an exclusive masterpeice that rivals any and all luxury.

*Does not include: protection from old lady who tried to outbid you on eBay (see Gladiator Helmet)

The Inbox from Hell

I get it now.

Sometimes life reveals things you weren't really thinking about but are gently reminded about on a somewhat consistent basis. In my case its my hotmail inbox. You see, it's out to destroy my fragile psyche.

Take this particular day for example... I opened up my e-mail and staring at me is the tagline...

Thanks, thanks a lot Hotmail.

Or perhaps this day...

Yeah you know Hotmail I could use a therapist right now...to deal with you.

This one, thankfully, turned out to be a false alarm...they are referring to buying shoes, not, you know, a man.

But sometimes Hotmail likes to give me hints, like this one below:
(note the irony of the eHarmony line below it)

But in light of my upcoming (gulp) 34th b-day, this recent one really got me...

Now if I can get Hotmail straightened out maybe I can get Amazon to stop treating me like a gay man.

Going Vogue

Since a certain someone decided to Go Rogue...I've decided to Go Vogue.

What does Going Vogue mean you ask?

It means being cooler than everyone else.

I ooze coolness...much like a certain someone we all know and love.


That's right, The Gute.  I've learned so much from him. Life Lessons, really.

How to love Old People (see Cocoon)

How to respect the law no matter what (see Police Academy 1, 2 & 3)

How to love a baby that isn't yours (see Three Men and A Baby)

How to have fun with technology (see Short Circuit)

How to talk to Dead People (see High Spirits)

I should say I've Gone Gute.