New Years Resolutions - Bring It 2010!

This time of the year is for making yourself promises...promises you aren't necessarily going to keep, but that's OK, we love you anyway.

Here are mine for 2010:

Stop getting upset at the DB's of the world...

No Glenn I don't give a crap what you are trying to make everyone so scared of & by the way thanks for upping the price of Gold, well done.

Dick you need to just retire and go away. You had 8 years to frak up the place, so no thanks, no more. This next decade is OURS, not yours.

Sarah P - I hope your next year is spectactular - I just don't need to hear you utter another word, OK?
You betcha.

Keep working out...just try and not have this happen to me.

See a lot more movies, I've been slacking man!


Sigh, try loving the GUTE a little bit less...

HAPPY NEW YEARS!

The Essential Holiday Buying Guide

(and no the GUTE ain't for sale! That we know of...)

This year when you are pulling your hair out looking for the perfect gift for your loved ones...take a gander at the latest offerings:

1) Star Wars Science - Force Trainer

Have you ever wished you could move an object with the power of your mind?  Now you can, as you control the Jedi Training remote with only your thoughts.  Jedi Master Yoda guides you through 15 levels of Force training as you develop your powers of concentration.  Discover if you have the skills to reach the highest rank of Jedi Master.

Features include:
- 15 Levels of training: Advance from Padawan to Jedi Knight
- Wireless Headset
- Training remote

- Features STAR WARS character voices and sound effects

- Fun and informative learning guide

*Does not include: friends, self respect, ability to see people naked, tax help

2) Adult Footie Pajamas

Want to help others relive their youth? Feel the comfort of all around warmth and love by snapping up these lovely adult sized pjs!

*Does not include: trapdoor













3) Personal Sauna

What a way to relax after a long, hard day at work.
Take your clothes off, grab a towel and relax in this sweat inducing death box.  (Think I can fit this in my apt?  Next to the pilates machine, perhaps?)

*Does not include: trapdoor

4) Ipod Speakers...in the shape of really large ear buds

Wow, that's all I gotta say about this one.

*Does not include: Being cool

5) Gladiator Helmet

This has to be the perfect gift for the man on your list. What guy, human even, wouldn't feel invincible wearing this cast iron helmet straight out of the golden days of the Roman empire.

* Does not include: Russell Crowe (he wouldn't really fit anywhere anyway)

6) Lamp/Wolf Plate Combo

Call Sotheby's, Christie's or maybe just your neighbor who's addicted to eBay...this masterpeice is not easy to find. I repeat, this is an exclusive masterpeice that rivals any and all luxury.

*Does not include: protection from old lady who tried to outbid you on eBay (see Gladiator Helmet)

The Inbox from Hell

I get it now.

Sometimes life reveals things you weren't really thinking about but are gently reminded about on a somewhat consistent basis. In my case its my hotmail inbox. You see, it's out to destroy my fragile psyche.

Take this particular day for example... I opened up my e-mail and staring at me is the tagline...

Thanks, thanks a lot Hotmail.

Or perhaps this day...

Yeah you know Hotmail I could use a therapist right now...to deal with you.

This one, thankfully, turned out to be a false alarm...they are referring to buying shoes, not, you know, a man.

But sometimes Hotmail likes to give me hints, like this one below:
(note the irony of the eHarmony line below it)

But in light of my upcoming (gulp) 34th b-day, this recent one really got me...

Now if I can get Hotmail straightened out maybe I can get Amazon to stop treating me like a gay man.

Going Vogue

Since a certain someone decided to Go Rogue...I've decided to Go Vogue.

What does Going Vogue mean you ask?

It means being cooler than everyone else.

I ooze coolness...much like a certain someone we all know and love.


That's right, The Gute.  I've learned so much from him. Life Lessons, really.

How to love Old People (see Cocoon)

How to respect the law no matter what (see Police Academy 1, 2 & 3)

How to love a baby that isn't yours (see Three Men and A Baby)

How to have fun with technology (see Short Circuit)

How to talk to Dead People (see High Spirits)

I should say I've Gone Gute.

The Hamster High Life

A new hotel in France offers guests the chance to live as a rodent for the night - complete with fur costumes and a romantic hamster wheel for two.

Although I feel this picture says it all (click to enlarge), my question is when did life become so mundane that we are ready to run around in a huge plastic wheel?

Wait, I think I've been doing that for years.

I love that under this article the Ads By Google includes one for Ferret Cages.

The article follows onto say:

The possibility that the company may create their boldest creation to date: an apartment which aims to take occupants "back to their origins".

"By that we mean their mother's womb," the company explained. "There will be lots of light and sound to make you feel as though you are in a uterus."

Now that sounds interesting...who wouldn't want to hang out in a large warm uterus?

P.S. Your Career is Dead

Sometimes you realize you never really know everything about a person. Take The Gute for example. I thought I knew a lot about his career - his fantastic movies (Short Circuit, Cocoon, High Spirits) and many, many more. It wasn't until I checked out his wiki page that a hidden jem from 2002 awaits...


The cinematic masterpeice, P.S. Your Cat is Dead!

A synopsis:

Abandoned by his girlfriend on New Year's Eve, and still unaware that his beloved cat Tennessee (named after the playwright Tennessee Williams) has died in an animal clinic, hopeless New York actor Jimmy Zoole is feeling depressed and unstable when he happens across a cat burglar, Vito, in his apartment.

Furious, he beats the stranger unconscious and ties him to his kitchen sink. Jimmy begins to torment his terrified captive; however, the unlikely pair soon establish a certain bond. Vito once had a wife who left him after she discovered he was gay, and took their child with her. Jimmy questions his own orientation as his relationship to Vito takes on a homosexual dimension, and decides to use his prisoner to exact revenge on his former lover. In the end, Jimmy and Vito, now working as a team, are able to sell a stash of stolen drugs and run away together.

Ah, maybe not.

The Steel Stomach

One night at the rents, Larry is standing in the kitchen holding a wine glass full of amber colored liquid and says to my mom, 'it tastes fine Ursula' So of course that peaks my interest and I'm like what you drinkin' Lar?

So...he points to the counter where there sits a box of boxed wine - Pink Zinfandel. As I mentioned the liquid Larry is drinking is amber. So everyone is like how old is that?

 My SIL Anh walks over and goes 'Dad this expired in 1999!'

This is an OPENED BOX OF WINE.

I say "Dad you can't drink that!" As I'm walking towards him he rams the glass into his mouth and gulps down the rest! Oh Larry.

I walk over to the sink and start to pour it down the drain and Larry goes ape shite as usual - so I give up and walk away. He walks over to fill up his glass again and Julie goes over and puts her hands on his shoulders and tells him it's not worth it.

At this point I walk away - it wasn't until the next day that I asked my mom what happened - she said they convinced him to stop drinking it and my brother Matt poured it down the drain.
I go Mom how can he drink that or to the effect how can you allow him to drink it and she goes, 'well at that point it's really just vinegar.'

Seriously, I am related to these people?

CSI will figure it out

Last May we were at Burger King for my nephew Luke's b-day. His mom, Julie, had brought an ice cream cake and had asked Larry to bring a knife.

Always dependable, Larry brings this big knife with a wooden handle - old school 70's style.

We have cake.

The adults are sitting around talking. I start to clean up, throwing away all the trash when my mom grabs the knife to clean it off. My bro Matt notices something on the handle...a name.
He goes whose knife is this?

To which Larry replies, "Oh that knife? I found that in the yard a couple years ago."

We were all like, "What? "

I blurted out, "Larry this could be a murder weapon!!!"

As you can see Matt's expression in the first pic and then Larry's finger in the next...arguably trying to explain why he took the knife.

(it almost looks as if Ursula is defending him)

It's Friday the 13th WWTGD?

What Would The Gute Do?

What wouldn't The Gute do is the better question.

He's SO versatile...


Sex Kitten:


Sexy Latin Lover:



Butler:


Hot Biker:

Last but certainly not least.... Exhibitionist:

Who doesn't love the Gute?

Really now who can say that Steve "the Gute" Guttenberg isn't the most awesomely inspired actor of our generation, not too mention incredibly hot!

So he likes to jog with no pants or underwear.

So he might punch you out if you point out to him that he's not wearing underwear (or pants).

So he has a replica of Johnny 5 in his downstairs shitter.


You can't deny the attraction you feel for him. Can you?