Venn is it time to join a dating site?

I'm starting to think that I need to start meeting real men.

Are you there God? Its me, Kate

Ho hum.

Its Wednesday afternoon and I'm sitting here wondering why I've been subconsciously humming the theme to Sesame Street for the last couple days. I haven't seen that show in years.

Is this my biological clock f'ing with me?

What's worse is I currently have my ipod on shuffle and LL Cool J just came on singing "Going back to Cali."

I think I need therapy.

Afternoon Malaise

It's been awhile since I've posted and it occurred to me this afternoon that if you've got nothing to do (sorry work) you might as well blog about aimless stuff.

Case in point this is what I look like at work:

You know it's time to lose weight when...

- You catch yourself humming along to the sound of your thighs rubbing together when you walk.
Reality check: that ain't gonna be a top ten hit.

- You realize the strip of fabric that covers your pants zipper has stretched so far that it looks like your crotch is smiling.
Reality check: that only worked for fighter planes in WWII
 







- You step on your fancy digital scale and you get the binary code for "FAT".
Reality check:  010101001101100110 (that's code for "call Weight Watchers")

- You dislocate your shoulder after trying to remove your form fitting tank top.
Reality check: You are not Mel Gibson from the Lethal Weapon movies. (However you may be Danny Glover as you are "too old for this shit")

- You realize they changed the phrase "junk in the trunk" to "your caboose is on the loose" after watching you walk down the street.
Reality check: Even the makers of Thomas the Tank Engine aren't returning your calls.

 

From David with Love...

Some of my favorite text messages from David:

DAVID: I'm in the waiting room at the hospital and a lady wants to know what time the Super Bowl starts.
Do you know?

ME: 6:30?

DAVID: Are you sure? Because she's old and she looks like she might just set the timer on the stove based on what I tell her.

ME: LOL yes

DAVID: Cool. Thanks! She's gone now but I'm sure that she and her cat will enjoy Sunday thanks to you.
Love you!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
DAVID: There are only Canadians down here right now. I thought it would be funny to tell people we were down here celebrating Canadian Easter if I knew they were American.

DAVID: This girl from Michigan was like "Oh ya that's right. Yours is a little earlier than ours. I forgot. It's Canadian Thanksgiving That's earlier." EASTER IS F*CKING EASTER EVERYWHERE DUMBASS!

ME: LOL..um you are wrong...Greek Easter doesn't always match ours....

DAVID: OK. I KNOW that...but...OK I can see how people might be confused but come on...CANADIAN EASTER?

ME: Its Florida

DAVID: LOL

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

DAVID: We've decided that Qaddaffi is one ugly motherf*cker.

ME: I'm glad he's not Irish

DAVID: Oh yeah - Happy St. Patrick's Day!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Our fascination with Peter Weller:

ME: So I Googled my name in images...why is Peter Weller showing up?

DAVID: I was going to ask where you found that. Is it just hanging out on the Interweb alone?

ME: It was one of my profile pics on FB..but Weller?

DAVID: We-ard!

DAVID: I think Peter Weller died 10 years ago and nobody told the casting director on "Dexter."

ME: LOL LOL

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

DAVID: Jeff is SUCH a hypochondriac! I told him I think he has a version of Munchhausen's Syndrome and he got all excited. He called his mom and said "David thinks I might have Munchhausen's Syndrome!"
Like it was some new exotic disease he had caught.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

DAVID:  Oh by the way: Jeff is now addicted to Deli Thins. I told him whole grain is good for people with Munchhausen's. He'll probably get diarrhea from eating so many of them and then say it must not be helping him because the disease is advancing so quickly.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

DAVID: Jeff covered his pillows with the blankets when he went to work: I woke up 3 times after he left and thought he was still in bed. I talked to the pillows for 5 minutes when I woke up the last time before I realized that it wasn't him. So his pillows heard all about my dreams.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

ME:  I had a dream about Blockbusters...to make money it was half movies, half home decorations. They kept printing off the returns to see if they were making money.

DAVID: Well toward the end WASN'T Blockbuster at least a quarter home decoration: it seemed like the were selling more movie POSTERS than movies

Flat Gute

Like us on FACEBOOK!

So those of you with kids or nephews & nieces may have heard of "Flat Stanl*y" (I gotta disguise this as I don't want to get sued!). The premise of the exercise is to take said Flat guy and take pictures of him all over the United States (maybe they've gone international, I don't know).


I decided it's time we try this with The Gute.

I've developed a couple for you to choose from - just click, print, cut him out and get going!



For example, here's the Gute hanging out at my desk.

(Why yes he IS riding a metal camel, he's trying to be timely)



Here he is on my map, protecting the East Coast and looking for rainbows.

 

Make this happen!

Anyone can Merch!

So since I ordered my new address labels from Vistaprint, (I opted for boring ones, no half naked werewolves, try not to be disappointed!) they sent me an email saying I earned a free T-shirt...so of course I designed this special one:



I had to improvise here-  it says "Or Else You might Get Chased by a Robot Named Johnny 5"

I really wanted to add "or old people trying to find a spaceship"
or
"Tom Selleck wanting you to hold a baby"
or
"Bobcat Goldthwait in police uniform"

We'll see...I'm actually too lazy to order it and pay $4 shipping but at least we know the possibilities are there...the dream is still alive.


Ten MORE Reasons Cloning should be allowed...

A list of of only 10 is not enough...plus there are so many other hot men that have come to my attention...

Sam Witwer


Usually I don't go for the pretty boys with the cleft chins but this guy is so hot! Of course he's playing yet another vampire (Being Human) but we won't hold that against him...ah what we'd like to hold against him..nevermind.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Chris Hemsworth
 
Holy Thor! This guy's "superhero" attributes speak for themselves. I'm Shallow and I don't care.

Joe Manganiello

Ah yeah...this is when you want a werewolf that's a bit closer to your age. And who can actually grow facial hair.

Martin Henderson

OK I can finally get behind the real McDreamy...so he's basically stuck in a TV show affectionately called "ER in the Jungle" he's still easy on the eyes... I can almost forget about Torque.

(Gratuitous water drenching shot included, he can water my lawn anytime!)

Leonardo Dicaprio

 I never jumped on the Titantic bandwagon (too soon?) and drooled over Leo... UNTIL he became a man which happened precisely the moment The Departed was released.

Alex O'Loughlin

What's the deal with me and guys named Alex? Once again I have a daily Google Alert set up on this man so you know my obsession is serious...what's also serious is the fact that this Australian man has a tramp stamp. He's foreign, it's OK. But oh how I love Tattoos on a man!

Matt Damon

I have to admit it wasn't till very recently that I finally realized Matt Damon is not only awesome but hot. He's always been a great actor and very versatile but he truly has something about him that should be replicated, hence he should be cloned.

Taylor Kitsch

Ok I admit it then, I kind of like pretty boys.



Daniel Craig

I'm kind of mad at myself for not including him on my first go round, I hope he can forgive me...












The Men of The Vampire Diaries (if only they could live forever)

Wow, and I thought the cast of True Blood had the hottest cast...


Ian Somerhalder







Paul Wesley



Matthew Davis





Original 10 chosen

Return to Sender...

Having just moved I decided that the 600 free return address labels I have from various charities with my old address won't cut it...spying an e-mail from Vistaprint I decided to check out what they have to offer...

When perusing the menu of designs I came across the category of "sensual" and of course curiosity got the better of me...

For the lover of the male form:

I imagine this might be a good way for a dude to come "out" - can you imagine Grandma getting this letter?
"What's that? Is that a mushroom? The creature from Predator?"




"Ah yes I'm looking for a naked lady with an elongated torso with butterfly wings coming out the back, you have it? Well sh*t, you all think of everything!"

  

  
From the "masculine" collection:



If you really want to freak Grandma out



You do have the option of making your own, with your own images...oh I had way too much fun with that feature...




I really might get this one



I'm pretty sure I'm not getting this one



Well whatever I choose it's been fun looking around at all the options...

 

Ode to 206 *sniff*

After spending the last 10 years in apartment 206 I feel I must pay tribute and say Goodbye to a dear friend!

The year is 2000...the decor is decidedly IKEA on the cheap:

*Bonus Where's Waldo question, can you spot the THREE boxes of tissues?

As the years went on I hosted many a "sleepover at Aunt Kate's" house with the little tykes that are now so grown up!

 

Movies on the big screen....my wall.

So the place is a little dated....

To go along with outdated apt...a REALLY old microwave from Larry:

The first time I used my new microwave to make popcorn (thanks Sara & Don!)
(Needless to say it was a bit more powerful than the 1970's one I had)

Look who got rid of the IKEA couch and chair?

Lucia makes the best out of the outdated kitchen:

                                     Rachel & Mehren (in front of the infamous TV cabinet)


Um I needed to include this pic for the background...

Tribute to Mandy...she spent many a night on my couch...she was as much a part of 206 as I was...

All in all 206 was very good to me! I shall miss you dear old apartment!